CONFUSED? x MENTAL ISSUES?
* I just hate it when i have to use my laptop whenever i want to access my tumblr.
Once again, i’m up at this unearthly hour blogging. I don’t know what’s got into me, so many things running through my mind. Also, the reason why i’m not sleeping yet is because i want to perspire a lot before heading to my aircon room! Having sinus in this scorching hot weather is so unbearable and makes me feel so unwell! I’m not sick ahh! Haha! Back to the topic! Seriously, i don’t know what to blog and how to blog this post. I know there’s a title but there’s many things running through my head and i feel like writing it all out but i don’t know how am i going to do so! Perhaps i should just list everything here!?
- negative thoughts; not performing well in O’s and life.
- Spoke to my aunts about my problems. Understood, but somehow confused. I’m really trying hard not to be a negative person. Serious mental problem down here.
- I worry a lot about my life.
- A serious thought about what i really want in life. First off, psychology studies is what i REALLY want! Again, have to fight my mental battle.
- Have been slowing down in my daily self-assigned assignments.
- My ageing memory. A little exaggerating down here!
- I’m starting to feel the loneliness in myself. Just when a family member is not at home, there’s this insecurity in me acting up. I was never like this. I love to be alone and was never afraid to be lonely but this time round, loneliness is catching up on me.
- Lesser suicidal thoughts.
- Hate maths. For this, i know it’s super LOL!
- I really can’t stand tutors who extort $$$ from students. It bothers/annoys me each time i think of them! Haha! Kinda random.
- kick off bad sleeping habits.
- Am i really expecting too much of myself?
- When i enjoy a little more, i feel like i’m working less harder. When i’m working hard, i feel like i’m enjoying a little less. I know ”honeymoon” should be over by now.
- I always think of other people’s good results and therefore, affecting my mood and motivation.
- Is all this really what i want now?
- I spoke to my sis about this issue and she’s shocked that i’m having this kind of thoughts. That is: Leaving my books aside to travel for a year before returning. I don’t know why i feel like this. It feels like an empty soul trapped in my body and wanting to get out of it. I know this sounds a little like a 21 and above year old thing but i want it so badly. I want a long break before sitting down to think what i really want to do in life.
- Again, this yearly resolution thing is running through my mind. ZZzz..
- I’m still having this thought of growing tall before reaching 18.
- I have a serious problem with my height issue. I do have minor spinal problems which may have caused a problem in my height grown or if not, because of my short mum. (???)
- My obsession with clothes or books is unpredictable.
I think that’s it? I can’t really remember anymore things to list/write here. Okay so all in all, i don’t know why i’m doing up with this post. Maybe i’m led here by my confused state? Whatever. I may have listed out some of my ”confusion” , but don’t judge! I know some issues are related to my confidence or if not i’m thinking too much. I know i should not be thinking too much but i just can’t help it. All i can say is that, i’m improving slowly. So that’s all for this post!
